


i’ll curl up and die, too

by ohcinnamon



Category: Smosh
Genre: Drabble, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 01:52:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15920505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohcinnamon/pseuds/ohcinnamon
Summary: “Damien?”The crying immediately ceases, and he can hear Damien sniffle once or twice as he pulls himself together. “I’m fine.”





	i’ll curl up and die, too

**Author's Note:**

> ...we really be out here writing fics at 2 AM, huh?
> 
> (title from “curl up and die” by reliant k)

The soft sobbing gives him away.

Shayne finds him curled up in their bed, covered by a blanket up to his eyes, trembling quietly, and it breaks his heart. He should have known.

“Damien?”

The crying immediately ceases, and he can hear Damien sniffle once or twice as he pulls himself together. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not.” The lack of an answer on Damien’s part just serves to confirm this.

Damien’s depression comes and goes in unpredictable cycles, but when it comes back after he’s been on a high, it comes back with a _vengeance_ . Too often they’ve been in this position, where Damien can’t even bring himself to get up. He shuts down, sometimes for days at a time. Shayne falls into their bed beside him, and he doesn’t roll over, doesn’t make a sound, doesn’t even _flinch_. “You scared me. I couldn’t find you.”

Silence. _Fuck._  It’s one of those days again.

“It’s _bad,_ isn’t it?” He asks quietly, and when Damien breaks his statue-like state to nod just the slightest bit, his heart splinters. “Oh, baby, I’m sorry.”

Shayne curls himself around Damien, pulls him in so his back is pressed against his chest, and buries his face in his unruly bedhead. His hand rests over Damien’s heart, drumming out a slow, steady pace against his palm, and he breathes in deeply. This boy is _his_ , his one and only, and he’ll do everything in his power to make him happy. And sometimes that means simply being there for him until the storm passes.

“I love you,” he murmurs, and Damien twitches subconsciously, feeling guilty even when he’s done nothing wrong. His soul is so, so tired, and Shayne wants nothing more than to let him know it’s okay to let go of his burdens — for now, at least, he is safe. “Shh, no, it’s okay. You don’t have to respond right now. I know you’re not in the best headspace right now. Just know that I love you, and I’m here for you, and I’ll stay here as long as you need.”

Minutes pass where they lay like that, simply existing together in the dim afternoon glow filtering in between the cracks in their blinds. Damien finally takes a deep breath, turning his head partway so Shayne can hear him better. His eyes are rimmed with red and bloodshot, and Shayne can tell he hasn’t been sleeping as much as he should. When he speaks, his voice is low, and it sounds raw, like he’s been crying for a long while, but he won’t admit it. “I’m sorry I’m like this. I’m sorry that sometimes all I want to do is curl up and… _die_ , I guess.”

“I’m not sorry about it,” Shayne answers, tightening his arms around him. “And you shouldn’t be, either. It’s okay. I’ll curl up with you whenever you need, always.”

“Curl up and die? You’d curl up and die if I wanted to?” Damien asks, a dry note of sarcasm in his voice. It stings, just a little bit, but Shayne knows it isn’t on purpose. Too many people have left Damien in the past; this is his defense mechanism. He can’t help it when he’s just trying to keep himself from getting hurt.

Shayne shrugs, like it isn’t a big deal, and Damien visibly softens, realizing he’s being serious. Shayne threads a hand into his hair, and he sighs quietly, leaning into it. _There he is._ There’s the Damien that doesn’t scare him half to death by drowning in his thoughts alone. There’s the Damien that’s learned how to open up to him — the one who _trusts_ him. There’s his boy. “I mean… I _love_ you. If that’s what you want, then I guess I’ll curl up and die, too.”

Those deep brown eyes that Shayne loves so much begin to blink back tears, and Shayne gathers Damien into his arms again. Damien buries his face into his shoulder, and it only takes a matter of seconds before his t-shirt begins to dampen. “I love you too. I’m sorry. I’m _sorry_.”

“Nothing to be sorry about,” Shayne soothes, trying to keep his own voice steady. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do to make Damien happy. Nothing. _God,_ how he wishes he could just take all the pain and anxiety away. “You’re my Dames, my sweet boy. I’ve got you. It’s gonna be okay.”

“...stay with me?” Damien asks, unusually vulnerable for once. He’s let his guard down now, is risking everything to let Shayne in, and that’s not something that Shayne would ever take lightly. He knows how much this means, to both of them.  

“There’s nothing that could make me leave,” Shayne responds, blinking back his own tears. “I’m not going anywhere. Do you… do you want to sleep? Because we can just sleep until it passes.”

“Yeah,” Damien mumbles into his shoulder, a final shudder passing through him. “If that’s okay.”

“Sleep, baby,” Shayne murmurs, slipping a hand under his shirt to trace patterns into his back. “Rest for as long as you need to.”

It takes Damien about twenty minutes to finally fall asleep, and Shayne another half hour after that, but once they’re out, they’re out cold. They definitely sleep through dinner, but that’s okay. When they wake up at 1 AM, the afternoon sun has been replaced by the flickering of the streetlight outside the window, and the room is a lot darker, but they both feel much, much lighter.


End file.
